"Okay, guy, so why do you feel like you want/need/deserve to settle down with a “pure” woman? I’m genuinely listening. “Oh, it’s because sluts are gross.” Too vague. Do better. “Well, their vaginas are real stretched out and big.” No. “Ummmmm, they probably have a bunch of diseases?” Easy fix! Setting aside the fact that plenty of women contract STIs from monogamous partners or during “safe sex,” it sounds like your real problem here is with illness, not sex. So I assume you’d be fine dating a promiscuous woman who practiced safe sex and happened to be STI-free? “No, because I want a girl who’s traditional and family-oriented.” Having sex doesn’t mean you don’t want to have a family. It just means that you want to have sex. “Yeah, but a slut is more likely to cheat on me.” Really? Then why do couples in the Bible Belt have such a high divorce rate? “The devil, I guess?” NOPE. “I just can’t stand the thought of her getting fucked by all those other guys.” So you’re about to have sex with a woman you’re attracted to, you really want to have sex with her, but all you can think about is her getting pounded by tons and tons of dicks? That sounds like an entirely different issue. “No! I just mean that I struggle with the same powerlessness and insecurity that all human beings do, so as a coping mechanism I take advantage of our culture’s patriarchal power structure and exorcize my feelings of worthlessness by perpetuating shame-based proprietary attitudes over women’s bodies. Basically I’m obsessed with controlling women’s lives because I can’t control my own.” Oh, honey. I know."

"In spite of the smorgasbord of sexual identities to choose from, we all still hold preconceived ideas about what relationships and sex should be like. And when our real sexual desires or relationships don’t match up with these images, it’s easy to feel ashamed or disappointed. Instead of wondering what’s wrong with you, consider what’s wrong with dominant ideals and abandon those that don’t work. Just because a certain relationship structure is officially sanctioned, doesn’t mean it’s ‘natural’ or ‘right.’ The myths we buy into about ‘healthy, normal’ sex uphold oppressive cultural norms and keep us from living the lives we really want. They’re persistent demons, but if you manage to take them down, you may feel empowered to create the life you want. Start by dumping shame and developing a sex-positive attitude."